I was still off work and had time on my hands and frankly addicted to surfing for sex. Broke my own rules - dont speak to men who have their children in the picture, cause the guy looked exotic and you couldnt see the tiny babys face.

Had a suspicion that from what he said in his profile that he may live near me, so I sounded that out right away. Same town, same school, different years. My sister was in his sisters year at school and his brother is a about my age. He is almost 10 years younger! We chatted about his daughter and my child, about breaking up from the other parent. He told me about an accident he had and how it had left him with a disability. He seemed so vunrable I really felt for him. He was worried that someone wouldnt accept the disabilty, even though it was minor. I really enjoyed the time we were online and the turning point came when he mentioned that he was not dressed yet as we spoke. That turned me on and we decided we needed to meet. He wanted to meet right away, I had turned him on too.

We lived less than 5 miles away but I wanted to meet him when I was looking my best. After several
online sex sessions and aborted meets, he got cold feet, I wanted to meet in a pub or restaurant and he was anxious about his disabilty.

We arranged to meet and we managed it. I was hooked by him already. We met and talked, his speach was slightly slower than mine but I hardly noticed. And I looked at his face and I knew I had to kiss him, I could hardly wait. We went to his car and kissed and touched and smiled. Both of us happy to be doing that. He because he wasnt sure anyone would accept him the way he was and I because I had found someone more vunrable than me. Or so I thought. We met again when we could and then one day he came to my home and I had sex for the first time since my relationship broke up, it was the first for him too.

If I thought I was hooked before, having him in my bed made me feel more for him. I was getting more vunrable and he was growing in confidence. The sex was not brilliant, it was good but not mindblowing. I felt I had achieve something. Not winning the Nobel Prize or anything but I had got the courage to have sex, be naked with a new man. Someone who didnt mind that my body was imperfect. Very liberating. We had sex again and spoke infrequently. He seemed to be pulling away more and more. We were not just seeing each other and I didnt want to be exclusive but I did want him.

I havent contacted him, he hasnt texted or msn me for a few weeks and I still miss him. I have deleted his number from my phone but not deleted him from my thoughts. He is seriously flawed, not in body, but in mind but I still care for him.

I watch him log in and it takes strength not to contact him. I will move along, I have already but I still want to be a part of his life. Just a little. I was addicted to him just a little and the withdrawal is hard but not impossible. Every day it gets better.

Onwards and upwards.